I am struggling with my identity. More specifically, I am struggling with a balance between two seemingly conflicting sides of myself: The indie side and the nerdy part. I love both, yet I don't see how the two can combine harmoniously.
[sigh]
I guess I'll just have to be my own "indie nerd" clique.
[grin]
But there is more to what I am struggling with. My religion.
What is my religion? I don't consider myself Adventist any longer. I still believe in "God" as it were, but not necessarily as Christians typically view Him/Her.
Then it hit me today. I don't have a religion. I don't even want a religion. What I want is a personal relationship with the higher power I call God. Maybe. I want to rebel against what I've been taught my whole life and leave behind spirituality and religion. Not for forever, no. I just want to find out who I am, not who people think I am or what they expect me to be.
I know some of what I believe. And I am struggling with other parts of my beliefs: what to keep, what to adapt, and what to toss away completely.
The one thing that I will hold on to is the idea that all people are deserving of love. No one is exempt from being treated as a human being.
The rest will come in time, I think.
No, I know.
[happy smile]
I want to explore other religions, other beliefs. I want to know what everyone else believes.
I don't believe that any one religion is wholly correct in their beliefs.
What I want is to find somewhere where the people practice their teachings on loving people and on accepting all instead of shunning those we feel might be "evil" or "detrimental to our religion." I believe that when the church turns away someone who needs to be loved, they are showing that person (and everyone watching) that God's love is conditional because regardless of the knowledge that people are not perfect, we still base our judgement of that religion on their people.
Shouldn't God's people be the most like Christ?
I have found that this isn't so.
And so I wish to venture forth and find others who wish to see the same things I do for all people.
All people. Homosexuals, Wiccan, Muslim, and humanity in general.
Love. That's what I want to find.
So farewell, Adventism. I'm off to find elsewhere what you have failed to produce.
6 comments:
You've read my mind, Katie! I've said a lot of this stuff to people recently. We'll figure it out someday! It's good for you to put it out there. :)
I completely agree with you on religion. I'm struggling with it myself. I admire the way you put it though
Well said, Katie! I have also struggled a lot with religion lately. While I still consider myself an Adventist, I find it harder and hard to connect myself to a religion I feel is often judgmental towards others. You did an excellent job with this!
Hey Katie, [This is Darla, btw]
I definitely applaud you in having the courage to post your blog on facebook. I know I wouldn't have the courage. XD;
I myself left Adventism [and later, Christianity] about four years ago. It's hard to make that final decision when it's something that you've been raised with your entire life [well, not Adventism for me, but Christianity, yes.]and going into a strange new world of religion can be pretty scary at first. I looked at Wicca first myself, and I think it's a beautiful religion. I'm not a part of it as of yet, but it's something I've considered.
I suppose my advice for you is: If you want to pursue a religion, then you have a lot of options. =3 Read books, go to meetings. Talk to people online, if you wish. Or just talk to the skies and have a conversation with our entity called 'god'. Some don't realize that religion is strictly personal. Follow something that feels right to *you*. Belief is a powerful thing. <3
If you ever wanna talk, you can send me a message or something if you want. Good luck on your spiritual journey! <3
Thanks for all the encouragement!
I totally agree. =} I've decided that religion isn't for me. I still believe in God; there are too many things that have happened to me to even attempt to deny it, and I'd be stupid if I tried. So I just don't even look at religions anymore. I don't even look at the "non-religious" labels (agnostic, atheist, etc.), because they themselves are also religions: thinking those who actually have a religion are below them and idiotic. There's no love left in this world... everyone is too selfish. /soap box. =P
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