Unmentionables

There are ... things, I suppose, that people do to themselves that I've never quite understood.  Getting so plastered you can't remember your own name is a huge one.  I've been drunk twice.  The first time was awesome.  It took 8 shots over about an hour, hour and a half to get me to where I was floaty and buzzy and completely numb emotionally.  Fan-bloody-tastic.  Also, I apparently waxed poetic on the awesomeness that is the female boob.  Specifically mine, I hear.  facepalm

The second time was so far from awesome I'm pretty sure it went into the negatives.  In an attempt to reach the wonderful feeling I had accomplished two nights previous, I decided to go for broke:  12 shots in about an hour.  Twelve.  In just over an hour.  Twelve.  Yeah.  I went from sober to slightly buzzed to nice and floaty in about 10 minutes.  Sweet.  And then at minute eleven, I hit the "so fucking dizzy I want to puke, pass out, and DIE" phase.  I spent the next hour puking every 5-10 minutes as my stomach churned while my head spun violently in loopty-loops and corkscrews.  Once my stomach finally settled down, I promptly passed out in the giant chair in our living room while watching who knows what on TV, my body unwilling to attempt the walk upstairs.

I also have no idea why on earth someone would smoke.  Anything.  Cigs or weed.  I should be ashamed to admit this, but I have tried the green stuff before.  Burned in my poor lungs like fucking hell.  Never.  Again.  Even if my brain did slow down enough for me to actually be able to process most of what goes on inside my head, it ain't worth it.  I already have breathing issues due to a chronic bronchial cough, and I spent the next two days coughing up shit trying to be able to breath properly again.  So, it was very not worth it.  Seriously, anyone who is concerned about my well-being right now, I am not doing it again.  Ever.

I'm going to simply enjoy my one social drink, pretend that cigarette smoke doesn't bother me, and attempt to obtain a blissful ignorance that there is no such thing as weed or drugs.  I blame the environment in which I was raised.  If the Adventist schools would actually teach their kids about what this shit was, most of us wouldn't be so damned curious to try the "forbidden fruits" ourselves just to say "ha, take that you old fuddy duddy!".