I love this manic stage. Love love love it.
Insight into the life and writing of a bipolar, yet delightfully nerdy, gamer chick.
Showing posts with label manic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label manic. Show all posts
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Days of Mania
I'm on top of the world. I'm flying high and nothing can stop me. I am gleeful, giddy even. I love being around people, and I crave the touch of my friends. I am constantly hugging friends, kissing cheeks, and am a whirlwind of bubbly exuberance.
This is how my mania is.
But there are downsides to being manic, some that are worse than the depression.
I am more OCD during the manic, especially about pointless things that don't matter, such as the crayon box or my closet.
It is easier to get me off on a random tangent and harder to stop me..
I am unable to follow a single train of thought.
My writing becomes random and sporadic and horridly messy.
It is difficult to control my speech or my movement. I am constantly moving, whether pacing, walking, or jittery motions with my hands. Clicking pens become my favorite toy.
I am exhausted, yet I cannot sleep.
My mind is working so rapidly I cannot form linear thoughts.
I crave the spotlight. My voice, my ideas, they must be heard by all.
I have no patience, not for myself or for others.
I am the energy bunny on crack.
I talk so quickly my thoughts mesh together.
I begin with one thought, and end with something completely different.
I clean and organize....then forget where everything is five minutes later.
I am unable to focus on any one thing for longer than a few minutes, if I'm lucky.
My dreams are bizarre and nonsensical.
Rage hits unexpectedly because EVERY emotion is heightened to uncontrollable levels.
I am paranoid about everything.
And then....
I crash and burn.
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