Sigh

If I can't get a grip on my emotions, I fear that I am going to push away the best thing in my life right now.  No one in their right mind would, or should, chose to deal with me for a prolonged period of time and I really don't blame them.  I'd abandon myself if I could.    

A Strange Void

There is this bizarre void in my heart that started after Chase left the first time he visited me.  That initial void was very small, and quite easy to ignore.  After all, while we had been talking on and off for five or six months, and quite steadily for the last two of those months, that week after Thanksgiving was the first time we had met face-to-face.  That week was amazing, spending actual time in the presence of the man who had captured my interest, who had such similar likes and hobbies and interests.

The second time, I was the one who did the leaving, and that tiny void grew.  It was harder to ignore once I had arrived home and had nothing to think about but the fact we were once again apart.  We spent a fantastic week doing so much around Minneapolis and gaming and going out to eat, and the feelings grew a bit more.

This third time was once again Chase leaving Lincoln a day ahead of schedule, which was heartbreaking for me.  And the void from his absence is now unable to be ignored.  The interest that I feared would fade hasn't, and instead of being terrified, I am trying to hard to ignore it for now.  I really am content with simply being Chase's girlfriend and enjoying the talks we have and the time we can spend together every few months.

I have no idea what the future holds, but I do know that at this moment, I want to be with Chase.  Not married, but content with calling him my boyfriend, with him calling me his girlfriend, knowing that there is a mutual interest in each other and that he makes me smile and feel beautiful, and that I make him feel important and worthy.

tl:dr - I miss Chase.  :)

Domo and Depression

Hard to imagine one could be depressed with THIS picture staring them in the face. 

Shortcomings

I'm not writing this to be a bitchy, whiny little baby who can't deal with her own problems.  I just feel the need to get this off my chest and maybe then I can get back to being bubbly and happy and thrilled with having a boyfriend.

Christmas, Depression, and Boys -- oh my!

Every time I sit to write out a nice happy blog, depression gets in the way and slaps my words down, leaving only the sad behind.