Anxiety

Anxiety is something I've struggled with for years, but I've never really thought much about it.  I figured it was all tied to my bi-polar and that if I could control the bi-polar, the anxiety would just magically disappear.



Well, it hasn't gone away.  And it isn't going to in the near future.

From what I understand, OCD is more than just the germaphobic, "must have everything clean" that most people think of when they hear the words "obsessive compulsive disorder."   To quote PubMed Health, "Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions).


I read nothing there that says "you are obsessed with cleaning".  That is merely one type of OCD.  


I am OCD.   And if not OCD, then I suffer from severe anxiety.  I suspect it's both.  Some of these things my dad tells me to "get over it already" and that's really frustrating because I can't "just get over it".

• I have a specific spot at the dinner table where I sit, no matter if it's just the four of us or if it's a huge amount of people over.  I have a spot where I sit and if I can't sit there, my anxiety levels spike and I can barely eat. 
• If there are more people in the car then one or two people, I sit on the left passenger side.  Every single car trip I've been on with the family, that has been my seat.   When I ride with friends, if I must sit in the back seat, I sit on the left side of the car. 
• When most people touch or hug me, my skin crawls and I start feeling itchy.  
• Being in crowds where there is a chance of people touching me makes me feel sick to my stomach.
• The thought of calling people I don't know stresses me out.  I can't make appointments for anything.
• Confrontation leaves me shaking and terribly nauseous, even if it's for work to straighten out a problem between two residents.  The very thought of addressing a problem makes my stomach hurt.

And about a million more things.  ugh.  i need to see a therapist or something for this, because it's out of control.