Writing from the Soul

It's 3:15 am and I'm listening to my Nom Music playlist on youtube while reading really bad Harry Potter fanfiction.  Its not like I'm purposely reading horrible stories, its just that there are so many people who think they can write, when in all actuality an untrained monkey slamming his banana on the keyboard would produce a better penned story.


But I digress.

As I was reading yet another out of character, choppy, unedited piece of crap, a wave of misery swept over me.  Not because I was killing my brain cells with the agonizing writing, but because I realized just how much I missed writing.

Any writing.

Blogs, essays, reports, stories, research projects, you name it, I probably miss writing it.  I found myself wanting, for the first time since probably July, actually wanting to write something.  What I wrote during NaNoWriMo is completely inconsequential as there was absolutely no spark, no desire, to write what I did during that first week of November.  I wrote those 3000 words out of a misguided obligation to accomplish something I had no passion for.

Foolish, foolish child.

I'm wracking my brain, trying to figure out what on earth sparked this rekindling of my love of the penned art of writing and the only explanation I can come up with is that the medication I was on has finally, completely left my blood.

Great.  My creativity and desire to write is completely tied to not being on those meds that were helping me so much.

It seems a silly thing to have to compromise, sanity or creativity.  I hate stifling my creative soul for the sake of appearing normal to the outside world that is full of people whose opinions I don't give one shit about.  The people's whose opinions do matter to me love me no matter what.  And if they one day decide that they no longer wish to be friends with me, then their opinions join that of the rest of the world.

On the other hand, it is nice to be able to do things without a cloud of anxiety hindering my actions, or deep depression preventing me from connecting with the people I care about the most.

I miss writing from my heart, baring (bearing?) my soul to my blog readers, or to my friends who willingly, or perhaps reluctantly, read what I thrust at them.

So hopefully this marks a new era of writing for me, where I'm motivated and creative.